stay positive, stay happy.

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

fall was fun.

Sooooooo I forgot about blogging and how great it is because you get to write about things that have happened in your life and feel like people read about it, but no one actually goes on my blog, so it's like a journal I guess. But basically I had a great fall semester and so many fun adventures through these past months and haven't regretted a single thing about it. I made a goal with myself this year that I'd always have a positive attitude and live every day to the fullest. I am so grateful for the friends that I have and the new friendships I've made and thankful to live in beautiful Utah and experience new things every day. This first semester of being a sophomore is almost over and it's so crazy how fast time goes by. I am excited for winter and the holiday season and for new things to come my way! 

 

Your biggest breakdowns can be your biggest breakthroughs.

"Sometimes things happen, and they make sense.  You understand. But then other times things happen that leave you scratching your head. They are incredibly challenging. You experience tremendous pain. You just don’t understand, no matter how much you try. Perhaps a lover leaves you. A loved one dies. Your dream plan falls through. Someone you love betrays you You get fired from your job. You get into an accident that leaves you injured. You face a life threatening illness. All of these difficult situations can leave you feeling confused, hurt or angry. We have all been there. Your biggest breakdowns can be your biggest breakthroughs. They can teach you the most about what is real, who you are, and what is truly important in your life. They can cause you to let go of everything that is inauthentic and serve as a wake up call. They can end up leading you to your soulmate, or your dream career. You just never know."

I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it. But I didn't, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn't realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it's the halves that halve you in half. I didn't know, don't know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me.

Quick catch up from January-March.

These last few months have been crazy! From starting a new semester, my sister coming home from her mission, quitting a job that I have had for almost a year, building new relationships, and just living the Provo life. A few weeks into January, my family and I left for Argentina to go pick Jami up from her mission. We were there for 10 days and it was such an amazing trip! I met so many neat people and it was definitely a trip that I will never forget. I want to go back already. So now Jami has been back and it has been so great! I love having my best friend home and she is moving up to Utah in a few weeks and we get to live together, I'm stoked! Another highlight of these last couple months was being in this awesome photo shoot called color me rad. It was a photo shoot for a marathon that is coming up in April and it is going to be unreal! It is called color me rad because they are doing this thing where they throw a new color on you every lap that you run. Go to the website colormerad.com and watch the video and sign up! The downfall of the shoot was having my hair dyed from the colored powder. My hair was purple for almost two weeks, it was pretty bad. But the manager paid us to get it our hair fixed so that was really nice. Another funny moment that happened last month was dropping 300 dollars at H&M. I was having a rough couple days and some of my friends and I drove up there to shop and, I ended up not trying one thing on and just buying it all. It sounds like I'm a crazy shopoholic, because it's kinda true. I'm obsessed with clothes and I have way too many. My friends make fun of me because my closet is so small and all my clothes are literally dominating my closet and I had to buy another rack because I have way too much stuff. Lastly, one of my best friends got married this past weekend!!! Kate Lovell. She is the most genuine, spiritual, loving person I have ever known. She dated my brother Nick for about a year and a half and even though it breaks my heart that they didn't work out, I am so so happy for her and her husband Drew! Their reception was so beautiful and it was such a fun night. Her and Drew are just so in love and I look up to them as a couple because they are so incredibly happy and I know someday I will be the same way with my future hubby. Enough with this cheesy blog post so I'm gonna end there! 

I have a weird obsession with cute wedding pics.

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."